everything.

I just had worked really hard at feeling healthy and eating the right things and moving and exercise and bringing down my pain and inflammation. I was feeling better, really truly, than I had in a long time.

I had a set back but that could’ve been easily overcome. With all this shit going on I don’t feel like I have the opportunity to get back to where I was for a long time. A year, two, more than that.

All this change has really just damaged everything I do to be happy, and healthy, and feel productive and valuable as I am and how I need to be.

I just don’t feel like coming back from that is going to be manageable.

And I don’t really have friends. I have no one checking up on me. Because I’m fine. And I’m married, so I don’t need anything else apparently.

Even when I’m not fine, I will “be fine” so it doesn’t matter. I don’t know how to be friendly or personable at this point so I’m just frustrated and sad.

And exhausted and generally in pain and feeling awful and guilty because I quite literally can’t keep up with dishes and that’s MY job.

Everything is meaningless bullshit.

Everything.

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